i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
