Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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