What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
