My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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