I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
