I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The Olympian is in my bed
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
