hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
why is half of my head shaved?
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