Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
