New invention idea: vibrating tampons
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I will be naked everywhere
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
