If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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