the condom got lost in my hair
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
