sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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