Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
