That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
