I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
