so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
