i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
