So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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