It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Randomize
