How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
