yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
