He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
