The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
