so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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