Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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