I wish my penis had an off switch
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize