just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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