guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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