He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
