it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
