Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
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I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
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She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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