I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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