dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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