the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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