Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
