Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
