drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
