Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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