I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We had to coat check the pizza.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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