think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
