How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
