I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
