i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
