Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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