Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
