I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
