If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
