So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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