Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
