You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
