ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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