the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize