I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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