I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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