I am puke
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
