yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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