google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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