i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
May the power of my ass compel you!!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
