if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
