Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
we're making bets on your personal life
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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