the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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