im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
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