so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
