She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
