addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
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That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
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Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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