So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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