You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
