I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
