wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I love you. Go after that dick
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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