a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
