she woke up with a sticky ear
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
