you guys were way drunker than both of me
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
