OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
This house was built for laser tag.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
