doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
