im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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