Where did you get a picture of my penis
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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