eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
