i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
