Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
